Vital characteristics that are needed to keep a resolution

This is the time of year when we vow to make everlasting changes… But for many people those positive intentions don’t last much longer than the month ahead. So what are the essential qualities needed to make a resolution work.

Ring in the new… What a fantastic opportunity for positive changes, progress, growth and to chuck out that which is detrimental to any of these. That’s exactly what a New Year’s resolution is about and when people make a resolution they usually do so meaning it.

However, there’s often a big problem. That is, keeping the resolution going. Or if it involves stopping something such as smoking or drinking, people might find that stopping can be easy – but staying stopped is the difficult part.

Yet there are some qualities of character that will help anyone achieve their goal or aims. These are incidentally the same qualities that anyone coming into recovery needs – to beat such as depression, anxiety or trauma. Also, alcoholism and other addictions including to substances and behavioural ones like being addicted to work, gambling, shopping or social media.

Many people don’t believe they have some of these traits, perhaps especially people I see at the beginning who feel so beaten by their problems. But they are innate in everybody, so anyone can find them. People may need guidance to realise them – but it’s so worth any effort put in as finding these traits is in fact the key to achieving anything.

Honesty

Without first getting honest and realising there’s something that needs changing or that you know you need to achieve, no one is going to make any progress. Without honestly admitting that something’s a problem, there can be no chance of moving into the solution. We have to answer with thorough honesty: would my life (and the lives of those around me) be better if I made this change or achieved this?

Courage

It takes courage to admit something needs to be done or at least done differently. Without then finding the courage to make changes, nothing changes. This can be such as quitting smoking or drinking, but also courage is needed when setting out on a new venture, whether that’s some travels or starting a new business. It often seems the easier option to just stay where we are. But it’s always worth remembering that the easiest choice is very often not the best choice. Spanish for “heart” is corazón and the word “courage” derives from Latin cor  meaning “heart”. This is precisely where people need to look to find their courage, to be true to themselves to achieve whatever they are resolving to do.

Self-discipline

This is a trait that’s needed from the very beginning of any resolution. It means not getting distracted and it means maintaining what you have set out to do. It is different to will power – as that is not sustainable. Will power is more like a booster rocket – it’s something we use to get over the line in a race, pass an exam or reach the top of a mountain. Will power is a strain, not a natural state of being. We cannot live constantly on will power because if we do we will always be uncomfortable. Some people don’t like the word “discipline” because it reminds them of uneasy or painful experiences at home or school. But it actually derives from the Latin word disciplina meaning “instruction, knowledge”. So being self-disciplined means we are continuing to learn, gain knowledge and consequently we are growing and making progress towards being our greatest ideal.

Desire & dedication

People who achieve what they set out to do have a burning desire to reach their goal. Then when it has started, dedication is needed, to keep at it, no matter what happens. This means to stay dedicated when it seems really hard – but also when it seems easy.

Humility

Humility is perhaps especially for when achieving a goal seems easy. If, for instance, someone vowed to give up drinking as their New Year’s resolution and the first few weeks seem easy enough, it means not getting complacent or even arrogant. Stay humble and be open-minded as well to suggestions from anyone who’s achieved what you are setting out to do, even if they seem the exact opposite of what you were thinking. They might just know something, they might have learned from experience and are passing something on to you. Remember too that humility is different to humiliation. As author CS Lewis wrote: “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.”

Happy New Year to everyone – wishing you a year that’s beyond your wildest dreams!

(This is my latest article for Soltalk magazine: http://www.soltalk.com/comment/january-2022/ )